Therapy can help if your pornography use or sexual behaviour feels out of your control, or is hurting your relationships, work or sense of self. I do not set the goal for you. Many people find this hard to talk about; you can tell me as much or as little as you want, and I will not judge you.
What this covers
Pornography use, and compulsive sexual behaviour more widely. The World Health Organization recognises compulsive sexual behaviour disorder in its ICD-11 classification, as an impulse control disorder. Pornography use itself is not classed as an addiction in the main diagnostic manuals. I use the term problematic use for that reason; if you describe it as addiction, I will use your word.
Signs it may be becoming a problem
- Viewing more often than you used to, or for longer than you meant to
- Needing more extreme or different material to get the same effect
- Trying to cut down and not managing it
- Using it to escape stress, loneliness or low mood
- It getting in the way of daily tasks, work or sleep
- It damaging a relationship, or making intimacy harder
- Feeling out of control, or hiding it
What therapy can offer
- A confidential space to talk about it without being judged
- Working out what it does for you (relief, escape, connection, excitement) and what else could do some of that work
- Practical strategies for urges, triggers and relapse
- Support with the relationships and sense of self it has affected
- Goals you set, at a pace you can manage
If you are worried about sexual thoughts about children
If you are worried about your own sexual thoughts or behaviour towards children, or about someone else’s, Stop It Now runs a confidential helpline on 0808 1000 900. You do not have to give your name.
Confidentiality
What you tell me stays between us, with a few limited exceptions that I go through with you before we start. How confidentiality works.
If someone else’s behaviour is affecting you
If someone you love is affected, you can have support of your own, whether or not they get help. Support for families and loved ones.
Short answers to common questions
Is porn addiction real?
It depends what you mean by addiction. Compulsive sexual behaviour disorder is recognised in the World Health Organization’s ICD-11, but porn use itself is not classed as an addiction in the main diagnostic manuals. That does not make the problem any less serious; if your use feels out of control and is hurting your relationships, work or sense of self, it is worth taking seriously.
Why can’t I stop watching porn?
Repeated, rewarding behaviour trains the brain towards doing more of it. For many people the porn is doing a job, such as relief, escape or company, and stopping is hard until something else does that job. That is what we work on.
Can I stop watching porn without quitting completely?
That is your decision, and I will support whichever goal you set. Some people want to stop completely, others want to change how and when they use it.
Will you judge me?
No. I will not judge you or tell you what to think, and you can tell me as much or as little as you want.
What is the legal line with porn?
The clearest line, as the Lucy Faithfull Foundation puts it, is that viewing sexual images of under-18s is illegal. It says consequences can include arrest, a criminal conviction, being added to the sex offender register, and problems with family, career or housing. If you are worried about your own viewing, Stop It Now offers anonymous, non-judgemental support on 0808 1000 900.
Why do I need more extreme porn to feel the same?
The Lucy Faithfull Foundation describes desensitisation: over time, people may need more extreme content to get the same gratification. In its own research, 1 in 5 viewers say the content they watch has become more extreme or aggressive. It says this can include illegal material, and Stop It Now offers anonymous advice by phone, email or live chat. In therapy we can look at what the porn is doing for you.
My partner uses porn and I am struggling; what can I do?
Start with how it affects you rather than asking them to justify it. Whatever you think about porn, your feelings about it in your relationship count, and they may be unsure about it too. I would aim for one calm conversation about what each of you needs. Therapy can help the person whose use feels out of control, and there is support for families and loved ones for you, whatever they decide.